In the past couple of weeks, we have seen some major changes to our expectations. At the time of our last posting, we knew that our dossier was in the hands of our facilitator in Ukraine, but that there were some roadblocks at the SDA (the Ukrainian Adoption Ministry). We had no idea when our dossier would be submitted, and we feared that it might be summer before we would be invited to travel to Ukraine for the adoption. Given the uncertainty, we leaped at the chance to include Mary in a hosting program this March.
Shortly after this, we learned that one of the families in our group whose dossier was submitted in mid-January had received an invitation to travel to Ukraine in late March! This was great news, but we were afraid to pin our hopes on the timing for just one family...each family's situation is very different from the next. Furthermore, we still had no idea when our dossier would be submitted.
About a week ago, we learned that our facilitator submitted our dossier at the SDA on 7 February. Although the SDA has 4 weeks to review our documents, register our dossier, and provide a travel date, it appears that they just might be moving a little faster. We are now hoping to hear from the SDA in the next couple of weeks, and thinking we might be invited to travel in late April or early May.
Of course, this led us to rethink Mary's upcoming trip. The kids should be returning to Ukraine the first week of April. It didn't seem to make much sense to put her through some 80 hours of travel time, if we're likely to be travelling just a few weeks after. It's like, "Bye-bye, sweetheart! See you next week!!"
After much prayerful consideration, we were about 95% sure we wanted to cancel when we received another email this past Friday. Our facilitators had made some additional inquiries and found that dropping Mary from the list for the March hosting program might not be looked upon favorably by the authorities at the SDA. Of course, this is another topic altogether that I might someday attempt to explain (if I ever figure it out myself). In the end, we have accepted that our facilitators have a much better grasp on the politics at play than we do. If they recommend green-lighting Mary's trip, then we had better listen.
Bottom line: We get to see Mary in four weeks!!
We still don't know for sure about the timing of our trip to Ukraine for the actual adoption, but we suspect/hope/pray that it will be soon after she goes back. It sure can't be soon enough for us!
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007 - The One Sure Thing
Friday, February 02, 2007 - Countdown!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The tentative date for her arrival is 17 March, and I've added a countdown clock at the top. We will be very busy planning her visit, and we're getting crazy excited to see her again!!! We won't have a day camp this time, but I suspect that we'll still find plenty to keep us all busy during her stay, including a lot of English lessons, games, and trips to the YMCA pool! In addition, one of her friends from the program last summer is also coming back, so I'm certain that we'll be doing a lot together too.
The rest of the kids participating in this spring's program are headed to Colorado for a great US experience!! As of today, there are still some kids that are unmatched with host families; anyone in the Denver area interested in hosting can find information here.
Monday, January 01, 2007 - The Foreign Adoption Process
Monday, January 01, 2007
The Foreign Adoption Process
People often hear about celebrities adopting foreign children, and it seems like they swoop into a country, see a child, take them home, and that’s that...There is actually much more to the story than that, despite media portrayals.
For those who have never experienced adoption firsthand, it seems like an infinite stream of papers and approvals and corrections and re-approvals. Each new document feels like a new obstacle, but it helps to understand that many of these requirements are intended to protect the children.
The Homestudy
(Began 30 August, completed 23 September)
Any adoption, domestic or foreign, requires that a social worker licensed by your home state conduct an evaluation of prospective parents and their home environment. When we first heard this, we envisioned some underpaid, miserable, pinched-nosed person whose primary goal in life was to keep us away from out child.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. While one of their roles is to weed out the psychos, their real job is to talk with us, understand our motivation to adopt, and to make sure we have realistic expectations of the process and of the challenges with being an adoptive parent. In short, they are in place to partner with us to ensure that the adoption is successful.
One of the first decision that prospective adoptive parents make is to select the homestudy agency. Each agency does things a little differently within the confines of the requirements from the state, the US government, and the government of the country from which you adopt. Several factors went into our choice, including turnaround time and cost, but our main decision was based on the recommendation of the organizers of the hosting program.
Once we selected our agency, we received a pretty hefty packet of forms to complete and documents to provide them in order to complete the report. We had to write an autobiography AND complete a 10-page questionnaire, as well as provide financial information, medical forms, birth certificates, etc. This batch of forms and information was only for our agency’s use in preparing the final report.
We were very happy with our social worker, Vicki Allen. She was very quick, thorough, and so kind and helpful to us. Even though she’s based in Indianapolis, she arranged a trip to Fort Wayne just for us (we did reimburse her mileage in addition to the homestudy fee). I would recommend her to anyone needing an Indiana homestudy!
USCIS Approval
(Began 1 September, Submitted 23 September, Fingerprinting 9 November, Approval received 30 December)
The next step in the process was submission of an I-600A, Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition, to the United Stated Citizenship and Immigration Services (formerly Immigration and Naturalization Services, or INS). Seems that the creation of the Department of Homeland Security prompted a renaming of this department!
So….we hopped online, downloaded the form, filled it out incorrectly, had it corrected by our facilitator, sent it in with a nice little check and a thousand supplemental documents (at least they accepted photocopies!), got it back asking for certified check or money order, corrected that, sent it in again, and then waited. After about three weeks, we received a letter in the mail, kindly inviting us to appear at the Indianapolis office of CIS to get fingerprinted by Homeland Security for an FBI background check.
After fingerprinting, we waited and waited and waited and waited. When I finally lost patience and called to followup, I learned that the woman at CIS who process all the adoption applications had a family emergency and took off to the Phillipenes for a couple of weeks right before the holidays. She approved our application the day after she returned, and we got it in the mail just before the New Year’s holiday!
The Dossier
(began collecting docs 15 September, Documents sent for translation 28 December, Submission to Ukraine pending)
Once our homestudy was completed, we set to the task of collecting all the other documents required by the Ukranian government to apply to adopt a Ukranian citizen. These documents are collectively known as the Dossier.
We had to complete a form requesting the adoption of a generic child, and another requesting the specific adoption of Mary. We had to commit to maintain Mary’s Ukranian citizenship until her 18th birthday, and to submit regular post-placement reports so they can feel confident that she’s safe and doing well.
We also had to provide a pile of additional documentation such as a new report from each of our doctors (including new checkups and blood work), and copies of their medical licenses, certified copies of our marriage license, and a collection of family photos.
Once all these documents were collected, we had to have all of them apostilled, which is a certification process by the secretary of state, to authenticate that each notary that signed off on each of our documents was, in fact, registered as a notary. Then they attach another sheet of paper and a seal to each individual document, doubling the size of the pack!
During this phase, we discovered that one of our notaries had not signed her name exactly as it appeared in the notary register (and they were very particular about this tiny detail...SORRY and THANKS, Lori!!), and that another one had actually expired prior to the date she notarized our documents (the bank had gotten her a stamp with the incorrect expiration date). This resulted in another round of corrections and re-certifications. We finally got the last of the documents back in the mail on the 27th. We then made copies of the whole mess of paperwork (total of about 75 pages), and sent it off to Kiev on the 28th. It’s supposed to arrive there on Wednesday of this week, and we’ll be watching it closely!
The final document for our dossier, the approval from CIS, will be copied, notarized, and apostilled this week, and we should be able to send that to catch up with the rest of our package next week. Hopefully, our Dossier will be submitted to the Ukrainian adoption authority in late January or early February.
Once Ukraine accepts the dossier, it’s another waiting game—this time for an appointment to travel to Ukraine. They have a LOT of dossiers coming in, as they’ve not been accepting any new packages as they restructure their internal agency for children’s protective services. They opened up again in mid-December, and we have no idea at all how long the wait for an appointment will be. We have been told not to expect anything earlier than May, but we’re still praying for God to work on the situation and make things move along a little faster!!!
Unlike Russia, Ukraine only requires one trip, but it’s a long one. We will have to travel to the capital, Kiev, where were will receive our official “referral” to go to her city to meet with the orphanage, see Mary (finally!!), and go through the legal proceedings to adopt her in Ukraine. This should take a couple of weeks, and then there is a mandatory 10-day waiting period before the adoption is final and we can take her back to Kiev. There, we meet with the folks at the American embassy, process the final paperwork and come on back home!! We’ve been told to plan about a month in Ukraine, thought it could be longer.
Note: This entry is a description of the process to adopt an orphan from Ukraine as we understand it today. Processes for different countries vary widely and change often, and this should not be taken as advice or guidance to take the place of someone who actually knows what they are doing! If you are considering adoption, either domestic or international, please seek the advice of appropriate agencies, facilitators, attorneys, AND parents who have already been there! Every one of them will have valuable information to share…..
Thursday, December 21, 2006 - Let’s Start At The Very Beginning….
The Discovery
Last spring (March or April, 2006), we stumbled across a brief column in the local newspaper about a “culture camp” for orphans from Ukraine that would be coming to Fort Wayne in the summer. It explained a program that enabled children ages 6-12 to visit the United States for about three weeks, learn more about the US, and get the experience of living with a family. While the hope is to find “forever families” for the children in the program, families could “host” a child without any plans to adopt.
When we first read the article, we thought of some friends who had been considering adopting from Ukraine. We set the article aside. As the days turned into weeks, it remained on the top of the pile of coffee table books. One day, Mark turned to me (or I turned to him…who knows?) and said, “Gee, maybe we should host one of these kids.” I (or he, who knows?) answered “Sure, might be fun.”
The Application
Mark promptly contacted the program coordinator to get details and see what was involved. We learned that while host families pay for travel costs and program fees for most hosting or exchange programs, this program was “risk-free” -- if you were not adopting the child, there were no hosting fees. We would need to complete an application, submit to a police check, and take an online course designed for families hosting or adopting an international child from an institutional setting such as an orphanage. The costs for the police check and the online course were minimal, so we thought, “still sounds fun!”
We sat down one evening to complete the application; that’s when the life changes began. One of the first questions was “Are you open to adoption?” Adhering to the “never say never” policy, we answered “yes.” Then came “why are you interested in adoption?” and so on. Each question innocently led to the next, making us think a little more with each one.
When we finished the application, we were still planning to simply host, but our hearts had been opened to the option of adoption…..
Choosing a Child
Once we were approved as host families, the fun began. The application required us to prioritize the age range and gender preferences, as well as to indicate how many siblings we would be willing to host. We had indicated that we’d prefer a single, older girl, but that we would be open to just about any child in need (that pesky “never say never” thing again).
Within a few days, we received an email with photos of two brothers, 8 and 9. They were incredibly cute; the both sort of looked like they had popped right out of a 1950s TV show. But the more I started thinking of the impact of TWO boys on this household, the more I started freaking out.
I called the program coordinator, Lydia, and asked if perhaps they might have any girls in the program…she immediately started sending photos with names and birthdays. We narrowed it down to three girls of various ages, and Lydia shared with me that she had met the oldest girl, Mariya, when she visited this orphanage last spring. When Mark got home that evening, we looked at the photos, debated a lot, and finally concluded that Mariya was the right choice.
When I commented to Lydia how pretty Mariya looked in her photo, she replied that this was a “bad” picture, and that the girl was even prettier in person. I found that hard to believe, but I would have to just wait and see.
Preparation and Education
We began to learn a lot about the orphanage system in Ukraine, and about the conditions these kids live in. Because their resources are so limited, everything they have is shared. Children don’t have clothes or shoes of their own, and we could only expect them to come to the US with one or two outfits. We were told that we would need to buy clothes and shoes for our host child, and that everything we sent back would be a gift and a blessing to all the children at the orphanage.
We also went through a web-based training program that outlined the structured environment that these children live in, and some of the challenges that they might encounter here. We learned that, once away from the rigid environment of the orphanage, many children test their boundaries and act out. We also heard that many of them become overwhelmed by the decisions that they are not used to, and that some of them become overstimulated by the things we are used to…like the grocery store, piles of toys, or lots of new people in a short time. We learned about attachment disorder, and the effects of trauma and loss that many of these children have suffered.
To prepare for her stay, we made a calendar on posterboard for the time she would be here, and we made post-it notes with some of the activities that were planned for her visit. The idea was to give her some way to know what was coming up, and to feel a little more “in control” and to adjust more easily…I can only imagine how scary it is to be thrown into a new environment, with strangers, and have no idea what anyone is saying or what will happen next!
The more we prepared, the more we started thinking about the potential of adoption, and of the possibility that this little girl would be more than a visitor in our home for three weeks. We were still really unsure, and while we were becoming more and more open to the idea, we still thought our main role would be to help find this child a home with another family.
The most important thing in preparation, though, was spending time with a couple who had adopted from Ukraine twice. We met their four kids and found out They were able to share many experiences and insights into the orphanage system, and to help us know what to expect while Mariya was here. Most importantly, they prayed with us that it would be clear to us what we were meant to be for this little girl. The rest is history!!
For more information on Adoption Adventures, please visit their website here. Programs are currently being planned for January and March 2007 in four cities!
Thursday, November 09, 2006 - It’s time for a long overdue update!!
We hope to have the approval from CIS back around the end of this month; this is the last thing we need before we finalize our mountain of paperwork and send it all to be translated. If all goes according to plan, our docs will be translated and ready to submit to Ukraine on 1 January.
Earlier this year, Ukraine restructured their governmental agency that administered adoptions in an effort to reduce corruption and to better provide and protect Ukranian children. They stopped accepting applications for adoption as they restructured and worked through the backlog of applications already in their offices. 1 January is the “re-opening” date, when they begin accepting new applications.
Many families have completed their paperwork over the summer and fall, and are waiting anxiously for Ukraine to open back up. As a result, many applications will probably be filed in a short period of time. We are hoping that the government will see that they can more quickly process the applications of families that have participated in hosting programs….but you never know. We simply have to be patient and wait for the Ukranian government to issue us an invitation.
It could be as quickly as a couple of months, or as long as six. We just have to believe that God will work in our situation, and that we will receive our invitation according to His timing. We’ve heard from other families that this wait is the hardest part.
We are very fortunate that Mary’s orphanage has access to email, and we are been able to send packages, letters, and emails to her. Earlier this week, Mark fired up his laptop and found an email back from Mary!!!! It was short, but she told us she missed us, and that she thanks God for bringing us into her life. It was just what we needed to lift our spirits!
Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - The Paper Chase
As several of you have noted (some of you quite loudly), the blog has been a bit inactive the past couple of weeks. In my defense, I have been focusing on compiling the background documentation required for the social worker and pulling together our application to the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS, formerly INS, a division of Department of Homeland Security--you gotta love bureaucracy!). But I am getting ahead of myself.......
Rewind almost three weeks......on 24 August, we put Mary on a plane back to Ukraine. The kids made it back safely, and are settling back into their normal routine. After several days of wandering aimlessly about the house in tears, I launched into "action mode." Falling back on my training, I spent the weekend following Mary's departure gathering information about our next steps and building a project plan for everything that needs to happen between now and her return. Yes, there is a "Bring Mary Home" project plan. Resources, timelines, dependencies. The things that make the world go 'round!
Once I had the basics in place, we began reaching out to the various partners that would help us through each stage of our journey. Our first and most critical decision: the Homestudy.
For those of you unfamiliar with adoption process, just as we were mere weeks ago, the homestudy is the first major step. Every adoption, both domestic or international, requires a detailed evaluation by a licensed social worker. The homestudy evaluates the home environment to determine if we are fit to be parents, to determine if we can afford to provide for the needs of the child, and to ensure that we are not convicted abusers or pedophiles. Apparently, this is done by killing thousands of trees for paper.
In all seriousness, it is very important to prepare adoptive parents for the process and the specific challenges that await them, and also to ensure that the home will be safe and supportive for the child. The social workers that perform these studies are performing a challenging task in the best of circumstances, balancing the regulatory requirements of the state against the needs and demands of families and children and the realities of keeping a small business afloat. Hats off to these kind-hearted people!
We had a couple of choices of homestudy providers, and we ended up selecting the agency recommended by the hosting program. This agency has worked with the program organizers in the past, is familiar with the specific requirements for Ukrainian adoptions, and was both fast and inexpensive. They emailed us a packet of documents to complete, and after about 15 person-hours of answering questions, writing and rewriting our life histories, and submitting fingerprints for background checks with the Indiana State Police, we were able to schedule a visit with our social worker.
Vicki came to visit us this past Monday to meet with us and tour our home. She confirmed a lot of the information provided in our background documents and chatted with us further about the hosting experience, our preparation for adoption, and how our lives will be changing. She was wonderful and kind, and, as an adoptive parent herself, was really able to relate to where we were in our journey. Based on the information she gathered through our questionnaires, references, and interviews, Vicki is drafting our homestudy report, and we hope to have it finalized by the end of next week. On a side note, we made poor Vicki look through our *entire* photo album from Mary's visit, and she did it cheerfully. After 199 photos, it's clear she belongs here!!
The next step after the homestudy is the USCIS application. In order to bring an orphan to the United States as an adopted family member, a formal petition to the US Government is required. This actually is less formidable than the six pages of instructions made it seem; some basic information and photocopies of birth and marriage certificates were enough to get us started. They also require a copy of the homestudy report, which will then trigger an appointment to go get fingerprinted (again!!!), this time for a Homeland Security check.
That's the point where we currently are in the process. We hope to have the draft of our homestudy next week (by the way, this is incredibly fast for a homestudy...hats off to Vicki Allen) and I mailed all of our USCIS paperwork out today. We hope to get an appointment soon for the CIS fingerprinting, and then just pray that their approvals move through quickly.
Following CIS approval, the homestudy and CIS documentation (as well as some additional documentation that we have yet to understand) is compiled into a package known as a dossier for the Ukranian government agency responsible for the protection and adoption of children. Those of you who know me well can probably imagine how crazy I am with not knowing the specific line items for this phase of my project plan, but I'm trying to deal with it one day at a time. I understand that the goal of every step in this process is ultimately to protect children, and that the inconvenience to me is incidental.
Because we are leaving God a little leg-room to roam freely through the process, we are indicating "up to three" children on all of our paperwork. It is important for us to be approved for the maximum number of children that we might want to bring home in one "adoption adventure." We have heard from almost everyone we've talked to that as soon as they get home with one child, they are ready to go back for a second or third, or more. In order to prepare for the possibility of falling in love with a second child, who might also have a sibling, and with whom Mary might also fall in love, we need to prepare.
As an extreme example, the director of the hosting program went to Russia looking for one child, and came home with five. The child that he and his wife met and fell in love with happened to have four younger siblings. They knew the day would come when their daughter would ask what happened to her younger brothers and sisters and why they didn't adopt them too. When they realized they couldn't come up with a good answer, they decided to bring them all home. While we don't expect to find five more children in Ukraine, we realize that our plans are not the final ones in this process, and we want to leave the doors open for God to move.
So....that's where we are. Once we get the paperwork under control, we will begin the daunting tasks of preparing for Mary's arrival, researching school/education options, learning some Russian, etc. We have several things we'd like to take care of around the house. We need to look into upgraded life insurance. We need to evaluate fundraising and creative financing options to cover the cost of hosting, adopting, and travelling to bring her home. We need to figure out which insurance plan she will go one, and how we need to add her. We need to work out the details of leave time for the trip and for settling in time once we all get home.
Lots of things to consider. Much to do. Maybe the wait isn't ALL bad........ :-)
Day 19 - Thursday, 24 August, 2006
At about 7:15, we loaded Mary 's suitcase into the car. We've had a running joke about whether she or I sat in front while Mark drove; for the ride to the camp, Mary asked to sit in front, and requested that I drive. I thought it funny that Mark would have to sit in the back, until Mary said sadly to to me "Mark raboota?" Mark is going to work? NO! I smiled at her and explained that Mark was coming with us...relief flooded her face and she relaxed a little bit. Mark climbed into the back seat behind Mary . For the most part, driving distracted me from the fear of what was coming up; I only started crying once.
We were the second family to arrive at the camp, and Mary jumped out of the car to see Vica and Little Mary . They ran around the parking lot, talking and smiling, while Mark and I talk with their parents about saying good-bye to our little girls. We comfort ourselves by sharing plans for next steps, planning a package to send all the things that wouldn't fit in their luggage. Other families, escorts, and volunteers began to arrive, and the parking lot became a mass of activity.
Three moms volunteered to drive car-loads of kids to the Indianapolis airport. Once everyone arrived, luggage was transferred and riding arrangements were figured out. Kids and escorts scurried around to make sure that all the luggage was loaded up and that everyone had a seat. All logistics resolved, the hugging commenced and the tears began to flow. We had been prepared by the program organizers that this was the time for adults to be adults and keep it together for the kids. We tried that really hard, and I managed to keep it together as I hugged Mary and murmured "i love you" over and over again.
Finally, the time came to say our final goodbye. Mary piled into the car, and held Mark's hand as they slowly pulled out of the parking spot. I hid behind Mark and cried as I watched her pull away. The only consolation was knowing that we would see her soon, and that we would never have to send her away again.
For those of you who haven't heard already, we have made the final decision to move forward with the process to adopt Mary and bring her back to the US as our daughter. Over the next few months, we will navigate our way through the jungle of the international adoption process. We will continue to post updates occasionally, answering some of the common questions like "How did you guys decide to do this?" and "What next?" I will also take the opportunity to post some of the other great photos from Mary's visit, so keep checking in.....
Day 18 - Wednesday, 23 August, 2006
Mark did some research into various options and we arrived at go-karts! We first went to the outdoor go-karts near Putt Putt. Despite their posted hours showing they opened at 10, we discovered that since school has started, no one will come in before noon. We moved to the indoor go-kart track up the road. We bought one ride to see how she would like it. We began the process by strapping Mark and Mary into individual go-karts; one lap around, Mary missed a turn and ran head-on into the track railing. She wasn't going fast, but it scared her. We extracted her from her car and let her ride a few laps in the double-car with Mark. When she realized how to operate the car, she got more excited, and decided to take a shot at driving again.
About the same time, Lisa and Khrystyna arrived, we belted both girls into cars, and off they drove! It's a good thing that the guys running the track were able to limit the speed on the cars, as we've discovered that Khrystyna's role model must be Danica Patrick. Her foot was nowhere near the brake, even around the hairpin turns. Mary was driving a bit more conservatively, but she still kept up pretty well. As the first ride for each of them wrapped up, the girls hopped out of the cars screaming "again! again!" We called a five minute break, strapped them back in, and turned the speed up a little bit.
We had originally planned to take Mary to Taco Bell for lunch, but since Khrystyna is a more choosy eater, we elected to go to Doggie's for gourmet hot dogs...her favorite. Of course, the moment we walked in, she decided she really had a hankerin' for a sandwich. Mary chose to order two sausage dogs, and then loaded them up with a variety of very strange toppings, including more mayonnaise than I've ever seen on anything! Oddly, the girls also decided that they did not want their photos taken, and hid behind single-serving chip packets.
As soon as lunch disappeared, we piled the girls into the car and took them to the DeBrand factory, where we met Fred for a factory tour. We thought this would be a great time for the kids, knowing how much they like chocolate. The video, however, did not impress them. Further, there was very little going on in the kitchens. They enjoyed the samples very much, but the tour was a bit of a bust. The girls horsed around a bit, and all the parents focused on keeping them from running over the elederly folks whose tour we were tagging onto.
We came back home for a final evening together. It seemed so wrong to have to send her back when she was really starting to settle in and open up. She was just beginning to horse around, doing gymnastics in the basement and climbing up the stairs feet first. She discovered the dartboard, and played around a lot with Simon. We did pop out to WalMart to pick up the final set of photos and we stopped next door at the dollar store to grab an extra small photo album in which to store them. She loaded up the album as we drove home.
We quickly shucked three ears of the sweetest sweet corn we have tasted in a long time, and gobbled it up along with a salad and some leftover pasta. Mary then wrote up thank-you notes for all the people who helped us out during her stay. I started out a list of two or three people, and she began adding names to it and writing them on cards. She even kept at it when Khrystyna called her from Cracker Barrel to chat. Mary was cradling the phone on her shoulder and continuing to write cards until Mark showed her the speakerphone. Relief flooded her face as she set Khrystyna down on the kitchen table and kept working!
After dinner, we called a translator to talk about the logistics of packing and meeting back up for the return trip. Mary 's biggest concern was for her new earrings! We explained to her that we would divide the stuff in her room into three categories: 1) The items that had been borrowed from other people, 2) items that are hers to take back with her, and 3) items that are hers that we will keep here for when she returns. She quickly got the concept and threw all of her favorite clothes into the America pile!
We had also learned that the kids would not be allowed any carry-on luggage for the trip. This presented a bit of a challenge, as we had already given Nataliya the larger of the two suitcases that we planned to send back. We only had a small rollaboard suitcase for Mary , and were really counting on her backpack to carry a couple sets of clothes as well as Barbies, coloring books and colored pencils and markers to keep her occupied on the long trip back. We got everything crammed in, with only Sloan the Elephant left to carry! I just hope the zippers hold!
In the middle of all of this, we ran out to Ritter's to meet Mark's family for final goodbyes. Mary ordered the granddaddy of all cones...a chocolate dipped waffle cone with multi-colored candy sprinkles. She had it filled with peanut butter frozen custard, and promptly emptied it! She played with the Maxwell kids, and we all posed for many photos before the hugs began.
When we finally made it back home, Mary took a shower, climbed into her jammies, and joined the family for the first Harry Potter film. Yes, we know we watched them backward, but that logic was not of critical importance to Mary . Mary settled into our bed and watched while Mark and I took care of a few final details, including writing a letter for her to take back home with her. Everything finally finished, we joined Mary for the end of Harry Potter, and then tucked her in for the last time.
Day 17 - Tuesday, 22 August, 2006
The pool offered a great opportunity for kids from two different orphanages to play together. Mary had never been down a pool slide before, and it took a lot of encouragement from everyone to convince her to take the first plunge. Once she accomplished that, she was invincible! Christina was not so lucky...the deep end was a little much for her and she was pulled from the pool once with a pole and a second time by a fully clothed man!
After the pool party disbanded, Mark and Mary moved on to Tokens and Tickets. Mary wanted to play every game in the store, but proved to need a little practice. The deck was stacked against her when Dad accidentally selected the expert level of the guitar game, but she sure tried hard. Mary insisted on riding the kiddie horse, and further wanted to choose Barbie items from the prize store prior to actually winning any tickets! When she finally had her fill of games, Mark and the attendand finally steered her toward a nice necklace with a Jesus fish, and a fancy ring.
Mark and Mary returned home anticipating dinner at McDonald's. I finished working, and we set off for the newly remodeled McDonald's on Washington Center. A Number Six and a Polly Pocket for Mary , and she was a happy girl. She took a couple of passes through the Human Habitrail and we were off again. Despite Mary 's pleas of "Harry Potter, pleeeaaasssseeeeee" we decided to enjoy a family round of Putt Putt.
The first couple of holes were a little rough, leaving us to question the wisdom of choosing this activity. We have discovered a perfectionistic streak in Mary much like my own. But about three holes in, Mark worked with her a little, showed her how to putt, and she settled into a serious game. At the end, we worked on math skills by totalling up the score. When Mary discovered that she had earned the highest score among the three of us, she danced and cheered for herself! We didn't have the heart to explain golf scores.....
The final promised activity of the evening: Ice cream and Harry Potter. Mark and Mary created mega-cones full of Nestle Crunch, Peanut Butter, and Sundae Cone ice creams, and gobbled them down in front of the television. Simon joined us to wach The Chamber of Secrets, and we pretty much ignored bedtime.
Day 11 - Wednesday, 16 August, 2006
Once she wakes up, though, she gets up and around quickly. She makes her bed, brushes her teeth and cleans her new pierced ears without being reminded (OK, so not so much like me after all!).
Having to get a *little* work done this morning, I dropped her off at camp and headed back home for the morning conference calls. While she was at camp, volunteers from Child Evangelism Fellowship visited the camp to work with the kids. At the end of their time, Mary approached one of the volunteers and spoke with her for quite a while through one of the translators. At the end of the conversation, Mary prayed with them and accepted Jesus!
I picked Mary up from camp at about 1:00, and we headed over to the Maxwell's for Mary to swim and play and for me to do several more conference calls! Special thanks continue to flow to Becky and her family for helping out and making Mary feel such a welcome part of the family! She had a blast in the pool all afternoon, and it was comforting for me to watch her out the window while I was working!
Mary has really settled into the family, and has enjoyed the time she can spend with her host cousins. Rachel and Mary perform handstands in the pool together, and Mary patiently tows the Jared and Julia around the pool in tubes. All in all, they are having a great time being kids together!
As the day wanes, we say our goodbyes and head home for dinner, a short video, and some much-needed sleep!
Day 10 - Tuesday, 15 August, 2006
Mary and I went to camp, where I set up camp in a hallway of the church and took a couple of conference calls, sticking my nose into the classroom between calls. In class, the kids each traced their hands and feet, and attached them to a paper doll of themselves. The teachers then worked with the kids to learn the English words for the body parts, calling out "Arm" and watching all the kids point out the arm on their doll. Mary 's doll is the one with the big feet!!!!!
For the afternoon, Mary went over to Christina's house to hang out. They played in the spa, watched videos, played the piano and sang all afternoon. Two exhausted girls were pulled out of the hot tub at 5:30 when Mark got there to pick Mary up!
Mark threw some salmon on the grill, and I made a salad and sugar snap peas. The salmon and salad were hits, the sugar snap peas...not so much! But today, dinner was just a quick break on the road to tonight's much-awaited Ear Piercing Extravaganza. Mary and I picked up Rachel, and the three girls hit the road!
Claire's was not busy at all, and Mary quickly chose starter earrings with a pretty pink flower. They started with the left ear, but the earring only shot halfway through her earlobe. She was such a trooper as the woman pulled the earring out, re-positioned the marks for the piercings, and tried again! Mary winced a bit when they went through, but she held up great!
We were in and out in a flash, and the girls decided that some exercise (mall-walking) was in order....all the way to Cold Stone Creamery! Rachel ordered Cake Batter with Kit Kat crumbles, and Mary got Strawberry with Gummi Bears, both in waffle cones. I watched and swiped a taste from each of them!!
Day 5 - Thursday, 10 August, 2006
After taking care of a bit of work and making sure that everything was covered, Mary and I got some breakfast (OK, Mary got Rasin Bran – her choice – and I got a vat of Starbucks House Blend). Mark, Mary , and I packed up and headed out the door, with a stop by Becky’s to pick up Mary ’s swimsuit.
After ESL and a craft, we all headed out to Fox Island County Park, where one of their naturalists showed us all up by knowing more Russian than all of the host parents put together (OK, well, that’s an exaggeration….but she knew some good phrases!). She let the kids all pet a variety of animal pelts and learn the English words for them. After the presentation, everyone posed for photos before heading down to the lake for a cookout and swimming.
Thunder and a little lightning threatened, and put an end to the water fun. Mary and Christina had some fun with changing….Mary grabbed her top and pants, but failed to take her panties. Christina decided that panties were all she needed, and failed to take her pants and top. Between the two of them, they make up one full outfit and one naked child! I think Christina would have volunteered, but her Mom had a VERY different position on the matter! (Sorry, Lisa!!)
When rain and mosquitos finally drove us out of the park, we all headed back to camp to regroup. Families gradually drifted back home while the last few kids hung out and played Clifford ABC Bingo. Once they all got the hang of it, they had fun trading places as the caller and writing the English alphabet on the board and doing the Bingo Dance each time someone filled a line on a card. And Bingo didn’t mean the end of the game…these girls knew how to keep a party going!
On the way home, we stopped off at Wal-Mart to pick up some printed photos, and popped into the pet store. Mary did not seem terribly impressed by the bunnies, but we picked up a bone for her to give to Simon. He loves it! After that, we stopped into the dollar store. Mary picked up a little cell phone, some sparkly barrettes, and a big tub of foam ocean animal stickers. Yes, stickers. We are inexperienced at this parenting thing!
We arrived home to a new bit of drama. Before we left camp, Mary and Christina had come up with a plan for each of them to take one of Christina walkie-talkies and to talk on them from home. They were pretty disappointed when that didn’t work, but a nice long phone call solved that problem and brought Mary out of her funk.
After the call and a little recovery time, Mary came downstairs. Mark found a virtual Cyrillic keyboard online, and Mary was able to type out a question to me. We pasted it into a translator tool, and communication was made! Mary asked if we would be going back tomorrow to “the place where Natalia and Maxim are”…Day Camp. I was pleased to answer “Da.”
After that, she said she was ready to eat, and scarfed down a loaded taco (complete with guacamole and LOTS of sour cream) and some Mexican rice. After dinner, she watched a short Veggie Tales video and headed up to her room. She asked to play a little in her room before bed, and since it was a little early we agreed. Bad move. The armoire in her room is now coated with foam stickers that we got at the dollar store. Not sure whether to praise her for doing such a great job or punish her for trashing the furniture…..Since we didn’t tell her not to do it, I guess I can’t say a while lot other than “Let’s not have any more of this putting stickers on furniture business!” But we both knew she was special when our ultimate reaction was “She did a really good job!”
She also raided my teddy bear collection, and rearranged the contents of her room. It took a little cajoling and a kind but firm Russian “Bed. Now.” And she hit the sack by about 9.
Day 1 - Sunday, 6 August, 2006
Once Mark and I had coffee in us, and Mary was full of oatmeal and banana, she got ready for the day, and set forth to "settle in" to her room. This activity was made up of exploring each closet, locating Items of Interest, and relocating them to very specific places in her room. It also included collecting several choice selections from the "niece and nephew" toy bin in the basement.
Mary dedicated significant effort and concentration to the placement of her new treasures throughout the room. It was really sweet to watch her place the Taco Bell Dog in a spot, step back, cock her head, crouch back down, move it a quarter inch, and then nod approvingly. She seemed very sure of herself, and very particular!
Once she was satisfied with her work, Mary's attention shifted to her new best friend, Simon. Gone was any shred of fear that may have been present the night before...Tolstay sabaka and Mary had fun playing and even a little bit of roughousing before we got down to the real business of the morning...perusing the Sunday paper ads to get a feel for where to shop for a few new outfits and what she might like.
Let's just say that Mary has a strong sense of fashion, and very much knows what she likes. She was not at all shy about providing an unbiased review of each outfit on the page. Thumbs up with her award-winning smile or scrunched up face accompanied by "No, no"--we clearly knew what she thought. We very quickly discovered that PINK was the favorite, and I guess we shouldn't have been surprised.
Following the newspaper reconnaisance, we all piled into the car for the short trip to Target, where Mary quickly identified not only the clothes of her choice, but also the correct American sizes! She is destined to be an excellent shopper! We agreed ahead of time on the quantity of shirts, pants/skirts, shoes, etc. and she selected items right within the budget. Mark was a great help in the selection process. My shopping radar, though, was not nearly as well-honed as the two of them.
As we moved on to shoes, we discovered a somewhat disconcerting fact. Mary's feet are almost as big as mine! We found a pair of pink tennis shoes that fit, and then moved on to the selection of Dress Flip Flops. Since summerwear is considered "out-of-season" now that it's August, we were a little challenged with finding her first choice in a large enough size, and after trying several different styles, we settled on a pair of two-toned leather ones that really almost fit me!
Once this was complete, a quick lunch of bologna sandwiches before we braved the hot sun to take Simon out for a walk around the neighborhood. While there wasn't much chatter, we did learn the Russian for squirrel, and Mary very conscientiously kept Simon away from all passing cars.
A little TV (Gilmore Girls...don't ask me what she got out of it without understanding any English!) before we peeled her away to go meet Mark's sister, brother-in-law, and their four kids. The kids were all very excited to meet her, and Jerod even put forth an excellent "Priviyet, Mariya!" Excellent job for a six-year-old!
The kids immediately hit the playset, and with a little coaxing, Mary was on the swings keeping pace with Rachel, and grinning from ear to ear. After a time, swings gave way to the slide, and then, after a chocolate/banana fudgesicle (which was judged very good indeed), the whole gang hit the soccer field. Well, we all stood in a circle and kicked the soccer ball. Same thing, right?
Being a home full of kids, with an educator for Mom, we borrowed many learning tools, including videos, books, and a Leap Pad...Mary took to the leap pad like a fish to water, and, much to our amazement, grabbed a book of Bible stories, and started sounding them out and reading them in English! God is really doing something special in this beautiful little girl!
We'll deal with teeth-brushing tomorrow. For today, we just know that this little girl is a blessing, and that she had a great day!
Mary's Arrival - Saturday, 5 August, 2006
Mary arrived in Fort Wayne at about midnight last night with her group from Ukraine. Seven children, aged 6-12, travelled nearly 40 hours with their escorts, to stay in Fort Wayne for the next three weeks. The group began their journey with an overnight train trip to Kiev, where they boarded a Delta flight to JFK.
After clearing immigration and customs in New York, the group boarded a final Delta flight to Indianapolis, where they were met by the Program Director and one brave host-parent driver. The final leg of this groups journey took them on a 2.5 hour car ride north to Fort Wayne. Reports are that only one of the children got carsick!
The group of host families gathered anxiously at about 11:45 PM in the lobby of Don Hall's Guest House to wait for the travellers. A unique combination of excitement, exhaustion, and nerves filled the room, as families practiced their greetings in Russian and clutched floppy stuffed animals. Right at 12:00, the call came out..."They're HERE!" as the minivan pulled into the parking lot.
Families craned their necks to get a glimpse of the first children emerging from the van; it seemed an eternity for them to gather their backpacks together and walk the short way into the hotel. One by one, the group's translator, introduced the bleary-eyed children to their anxious host families. Nervous hugs were exchanged, and families dispersed into the night
Mary figured out the seatbelt in the Honda, and we were off for the 10-minute ride home--the shortest of all the host families! After this quiet ride, Mary retrieved her backpack, elephant, and welcome baloons and stepped up to our door.
As always when meeting new people, Simon displayed his usual wiggly exuberance. I don't think Mary was quite prepared for this, and she stood frozen at the door for a few moments, while I pulled him aside and calmed him down. Mary made it to a chair, where we brought Simon up to her. We let her pet him, and once he sniffed her, he settled right down. The two became fast friends later in the night when Simon picked a very quiet moment on the House Tour to let out an award-winning belch. It brought a laugh from all, and an amusing end to a hectic day!